Should We Add Marlboro Lights to Our Baby Registry?

I have decided that our child will come out of the womb sounding like Harvey Fierstein. This is thanks to the millions of cigarette smokers in Manhattan.

Everywhere I walk...smoke!

My journey to work looks a lot like the video game "Frogger." At the first whiff of smoke, I do my best to dash and dart along the sidewalk and across the street from the culprit -- only to be attacked by another chain smoker. If I can't find a clear path away from the smoke, I try to hold my breath for as long as possible. And while I'm getting dizzy from the lack of oxygen I wonder...is that good for the jelly bean? Does holding my breath put a pause on everything happening inside my lower belly? Should I just accept that this is my baby's future?

The only thing working in my favor is my superhero sense of smell. Usually I smell the smoke first, which bides me a little bit of time. I swear I never once smelled a cigarette before this little adventure began -- which is now entirely concerning.

Smokers should really not be allowed to smoke outside.