Jelly Bean's Corner

Get Out of Here, Gergen!

I feel like I should document this dream to give Jelly Bean an idea of what's happening right now in our world -- given we've got two weeks to go!

With the repulsive Trump/Access Hollywood/Washington Post video leak on Friday, we have been watching a lot of cable news. MSNBC, CNN, a jaunt over to FOX News (to see if they're even covering the chaos), back to MSNBC, CNN, repeat. My good friend Rose, who's in town this weekend, joined us for several hours of viewing on Saturday. Where, during a CNN stop, she mentioned liking senior political analyst David Gergen.

In other non-related news this week (but important to the dream that I promise to get to), my wedding rings for the first time don't fit! Chubby knuckles (and ankles) have arrived. Not having my wedding rings on is an extremely unsettling feeling.

So here's the dream I had last night...

We are on a strange tropical vacation.

Steve decides that because my wedding rings don't fit, that he shouldn't wear his rings and that we should be on a break -- what???? 

Mind you, I am super pregnant.

So, Steve leaves me to find a skinny tropical Barbie doll.

I am left pregnant in a swimsuit hanging poolside with my two good friends Rose and Tintin...which sounds nice, right? Welp, then an old, disheveled man hits on me...

That man is...David Gergen. But it's not clean-shaved, respectable, suit-wearing David Gergen. It's gross, sweaty, vacation version of David Gergen.

He basically says to me all the horrific things that Trump was caught saying about women. That he wants to grab my 'you know what,' and kiss me and grope and basically have his way with me.

What??!

The best part is, I turn to Rose to be like..what the hell, Rose? And she says....why don't you want to sleep with him? He's very smart. 

What??? 

As bizarre as this is, I remember not wanting to hurt his feelings so I avoided responding to his "moving" on me.

I explained to Rose that if I'm going to give a man a shot, I am at least going to want to go to dinner and have a conversation.

PS (I did search the internet for "David Gergen" and "beach" to see if I could find a more realistic photo. As you probably guessed, nothing showed up).

The Final Countdown

Mental Preparation

Top Things We Learned at Our Hospital Tour

1. The hospital knows everyone steals their stuff (ie diapers, wipes, pacifiers, etc).  So, they ask that we at least be classy about it...and bring an extra bag.

2. Celebrities in NYC pay $2400 a night to secure a deluxe private suite. Suites include: private chef, plush robes, luxury towels, gift bag, fine bedding, wireless internet access, fully-stocked fridge, etc. It's JUST like a luxury hotel, except when you check out they give you a bill and another human being that you're now responsible for for the rest of your life. 

3. Jelly Bean will get LoJacked so no one takes her... including us. If we accidentally stroll down the wrong hallway...the entire hospital goes on lockdown. So there's about a 60% chance this will happen to us. 

4. Babies are born on the 6th floor. Unless you get stuck in the elevator on the way up.

5. After Jelly Bean is born it's 100% up to us how much or little time we want to spend with her. Which will be helpful if she turns out to be a jerk. 

6. If, for whatever reason, we want 30 people in the birth room, it's a-okay. That would be surprising and quite exciting though, since we don't know 30 people in the city. 

7. We can make the birth room a more comfortable environment with aromatherapy, Christmas lights, etc. But...no open flames. The fact that they had to say that out loud means this has been an issue in the past. 

Our Top Questions for Tonight's Hospital Tour

1) What's up with those private rooms? 

2) Do I share a room before and after delivery?

3) Do we provide outfits for Jelly Bean? How many do we need?

4) Do we stay with Jelly Bean the whole time, or will you take her away?

5) Can we hang Christmas lights? How do we do that?!

6) Do you have those fun bouncy balls? Peanut ball?

7) How many nights do I stay in the hospital?

8) When would you turn me away from the hospital? What if I show up too early?

9) Where do I actually give birth to the child? In my room? In the hallway? In an ER room???

10) How many visitors can be there prior to birth?  After?

11) Can my cute husband stay overnight?

12) What food is and is not allowed in the rooms?

13) Can we smuggle in wine?

Does This Count as Nesting?

Does it count as nesting if Steve is the one who wants to get organized?

Today we hit up The Container Store and had a very successful trip!

For the first tine, we can actually see our kitchen counter!... gotta make room for those bottles. And we're not talkin' wine bottles.

Target Defeated Me

With less than a month to go, the agenda for Saturday was to start packing our hospital bag. This led us on an adventure to Target. 

Normally going to Target would be a small piece of one day. At 37 weeks, taking a trip to Target was my entire day. 

Not only do I move at an incredibly slow pace, but everything is becoming more difficult.

I looked at Steve half-way through the visit and said, I need to find a chair.

So, I chilled in the furniture section with two elderly ladies and two breastfeeding moms. No shame! These are my new peeps.

After getting home I immediately napped. 

Damn, Target you destroyed me. And I didn't even buy anything fun!

The Final Countdown: 37 Weeks

Showered with Love in NYC

What a wonderful day! A surprise baby shower brunch at one of my favorite NYC restaurants, Lafayette.

Thank you Guerrieri/Ellashek/Holden ladies!!! Jelly Bean and her mama are lucky ladies! xoxo

It was the perfect day.

The Final Countdown: 35 Weeks

The Final Countdown: 34 Weeks